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Recognizing Red Flags Even When They Seem Appealing

Do you notice people’s red flags when you’re getting to know them? Do you acknowledge them? How appealing does a red flag have to be for you to ignore it instead?

Red flags in relationships are usually signs that something is wrong. They’re a sign that this relationship maybe isn’t right for you. That doesn’t mean they’re easy to spot. And it doesn’t mean you’ll pay attention to them, even if you do realise something’s wrong.

It’s important to be able to see and acknowledge your potential partner’s red flags. No matter how appealing they may seem, it isn’t worth your well-being in the long run.

Love Bombing

Have you ever fallen into an intense relationship extremely fast? To the point where things got serious before you really knew them? Maybe it started as constant texting or calling. You nearly drowned in attention, and it was nice. Romantic, even. And maybe your partner began to disregard your personal space too quickly and pressured you into a commitment before you were ready. But it felt so good at the time that you went along with it.

That’s called love bombing, and it’s a big red flag to look out for. It might seem romantic at first, but really, it’s overwhelming. It’s a way of trapping you in a relationship, and it can be hard to differentiate from someone who’s just really into you. Love bombing in a relationship is not a good sign. It’s the opposite.


Sometimes, you get so wrapped up in a new relationship that you ignore your friends a little. It’s not a big deal, it happens to the best of us. Right? Your partner is wonderful, and you’re spending lots of time together. Your relationship feels wonderful.

woman standing with her back turned away from the camera with her arms outstretched looking out at a hazy city backgroundBut the next thing you know, you it feels like there’s an ocean between you and your friends. You feel like an outsider. Perhaps they start excluding you from plans after you consistently cancel. Or maybe you start responding to their calls and texts less and less. Without your support circle, all you have is your partner — and that’s exactly what manipulative partners want.

It’s normal to neglect your friends a little during the initial stages of a relationship, as you figure out how to fit them into your life. But be careful if, at the end of the day, you don’t talk to them anymore. Being isolated by your partner is a big red flag. It means they want you to rely on them and only them. And that can be very dangerous.

Extreme Jealousy

Some people find jealousy romantic. The idea that your partner cares for you enough to get jealous is reassuring. It’s attractive, even. And jealousy is natural to a degree. It’s an emotion we can all feel, not a red flag.

The red flag appears when that jealousy becomes extreme. It’s not just normal jealousy, it’s possessiveness and insecurity manifesting in different ways. If your partner is constantly suspicious of you, going as far as stalking you to appease their jealousy and possessiveness, then that is definitely a red flag.

Self-Care Within a Relationship

Relationships are difficult. They’re a partnership. That means you have to be able to step up and be willing to communicate and make compromises. But even within a partnership, you have to be able to take care of yourself. That can be hard. Especially when you can’t recognize potential red flags in your potential partners.

But counseling can help you. It can help you make sure you won’t lose yourself in your relationship. It can help you find and maintain a balance between your relationship and the rest of your life. So, give it a try. You’ll see it’s worth it. Reach out to learn more about couples therapy or relationship counseling.