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Is It Important to Know Your Relationship Deal-Breakers from the Start?

When you’re entering into a new relationship, it’s easy to get lost in the excitement of everything. You’re feeling butterflies. That person can do no wrong. You can’t wait to see them again. 

While the start of a relationship is fun, there are also some things you might want to consider if you could potentially see yourself with that person for a long time. Some people are okay with dating around, but if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it’s important to make sure you’re with the “right” person as soon as possible. 

That includes understanding your relationship deal-breakers. 

While talking about your deal-breakers at the beginning of a new relationship might feel scary, the sooner you can get them out of the way, the better. 

Getting Your Deal-Breakers Out of the Way

Young Couple in City at Night Many people avoid talking about serious relationship topics early on. That’s understandable. You want to revel in the fun and excitement you’re having. But, if your goal is to end up in a long-term relationship with someone, getting your deal-breakers out of the way as quickly as possible will make that easier. 

Think about being in a relationship with someone for a year before discovering that you have non-negotiables that clash. You would have given up all that time, energy, and effort only to find out things wouldn’t work. 

Beyond that, you’re likely to feel pain and heartbreak. It can be devastating learning that someone you’ve come to love wants different things or has a deal-breaker you can’t abide by. 

So, by knowing deal-breakers from the start, you’re saving yourself from potential pain in the future, and you have the opportunity to feel close to your partner that much quicker. 

How to Discover Your Deal-Breakers

Maybe you’ve never put much thought into your non-negotiables before. You might think you’re okay with most things, but have you ever sat down and thought about your core values in a relationship? What are your “must-haves” and what boundaries do you need to set for yourself to be happy? 

Obviously, relationship deal-breakers are very personal. You might have a list of things that are specific to you at this stage of life. But, some common ones include poor communication, different values, a lack of trust, or even different life goals. 

For example, if you know that you want children in the future and your new partner doesn’t, it might be best to end the relationship before things get too serious. While compromise is important in a relationship, neither person should have to give up on something that means that much to them. 

How to Talk About Your Deal-Breakers

Again, it’s a good rule of thumb to discuss your non-negotiables early in a new relationship. It can set the groundwork for a partnership based on solid communication, which can help you both be more vulnerable and honest with each other. 

When you’re discussing the things that are non-negotiable to you, you’ll also end up learning a lot about yourself and your partner. Even if you’re able to agree on things and none of your deal-breakers clash, you can learn about your partner’s values and beliefs, and what they want for themselves in the future. 

Be willing to discuss where you can compromise, especially if you see the relationship lasting, but don’t compromise your identity or values for the excitement of a relationship. 

If you need help to identify your deal-breakers and what’s really important to you, let’s talk about it! Being confident and secure in those things can make it easier to step into a new relationship knowing exactly what you want. Reach out to learn more about couples therapy.